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Posts Tagged ‘life’

Eh, it is probably more apt to ask what’s right, but I am bumbling along at some sort of pace. You may be wondering where all my art challenge responses are and why I am only posting the prompts at the moment. It’s due to me taking a small creativity break rather than stressing myself out at this time when my brain is being weird and I feel like mush most of the time and exhausted the rest. I will be doing the prompts but not just yet. I also still wanted to post the prompts as I know that a few people have been enjoying doing them.

It has been time to take my own advice and be kind to myself. Perhaps I will even get to posting something here that is not related to the challenge. I would like to do that as I feel I have lost my way a little with the sort of things I used to blog about and when I used to write them. Everything has felt like such a struggle lately but as always eventually happens I seem to be poking my head out of my pillow fort to see what is going on.

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2013 was a pivotal year in my life for a lot of reasons. I feel like I finally made my way to a better emotional place after a very tough 2012, I started my business, developed my dreams, ambitions and goals, finalised my divorce and started a new chapter in my life. One of the things I really love about keeping a scrapbook or smashbook or something similar is how all of those memories and thoughts can be kept safe and sound.

Last week I was feeling uninspired so I decided to take a trip down memory lane and revisit a year that brought with it a lot of positivity, inspiration and all round goodness. This is what happened…

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It’s been a while since I posted anything on here but for good reason. So much has been happening what with the holidays, our trip to Disneyland Paris, the start of the school year, secondary school visits and our impending move now that we have finally found a place to live. It’s been insane and my mental state has been up and down like a yoyo. This week though, now that things are finally starting to line up, I’ve had time to think.

I’ve known for around six months that this is and would be a huge transitional time for me and that it would be one that lasted a while before anything seemed to improve. Absolutely everything in my life has been having a complete overhaul. It’s been hard to hold onto my faith that things would get better and that when the changes really happened it would ultimately lead to joy and growth for me, believe me some days it’s felt like an impossible thing. I didn’t even realise that I had been fighting the changes as much as I had.

Last week was highly emotional, I cried… a lot… at pretty much everything. I couldn’t stop and it was incredibly frustrating to me but today I realised that it was something I needed to do. As the pieces of the puzzle began to slip effortlessly into place and I could see that what I’ve been waiting for over these last few month was finally going to happen and I started to naturally let go of what I’ve been holding onto, all the good and bad that this house represents for me, all the drama and tears I’ve cried in it, all the happy memories as well. I spent a week simultaneously celebrating and mourning the last nine and a half years of my life here and boy has a lot happened in that time.

I’ve really never been a conventional person and I don’t believe that I’m made for a conventional life even though I feel that’s what’s expected of me at 32 years old with two children. I finally saw that the dream I was trying to force myself into was bringing me so much stress and anxiety and all these feelings of failure because it’s not the way my life is supposed to go. This other, scary, unconventional, right feeling way is the way I’m supposed to take to find my happiness and growth.

And so I cried because sometimes tears are necessary in order to release the memories and experiences we need to let go of in order to grow into the people we are meant to be.

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Can’t, won’t, shouldn’t, couldn’t.

Can, will, should, could.

Which way would you rather live?

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There comes a time, usually more than once when we all feel a little lost in some area of our lives or even in our whole life. This always happens to me when a big change has happened, it usually takes a couple of weeks for the change to really sink in and I’m left, in missing that part of my life, feeling a little unsure as to where I’m going and where my life is going to take me next. I used to think this was a really negative thing as that lost feeling isn’t fun, it feels horrible, stressful and unsafe leaving me feeling vulnerable and uncertain of myself.

It is not, however, a negative thing. The feeling is unpleasant but it marks something amazing; growth. Most of us know the saying ‘let go of the old to make room for the new’ or something along those lines. When things, people, situations even outlooks leave our lives it can be disconcerting but the change is good. They will be replaced by something better for us, more relevant and challenging to help us grow further. It can be very hard to see but I can assure you that it will happen. First though we have to completely let go of whatever it is that has gone; no clinging to it, no wishing it back. I’m not saying right away, take the time to mourn it and celebrate it. Let yourself feel your response to it and it’s loss. Emotions are good, we need to feel them and process them but the trick is to do so from a place where they don’t take us over and affect us negatively. Even positive emotions can do this. Love is a beautiful thing to feel but allow it to consume you and it can become an obsession; an addictive high that erodes at our day to day functionality.

At the moment I’m in that letting go stage of my big change. Last week I felt terribly lost, socially, creatively, spiritually, emotionally, mentally. This week. although still there in many ways, I’m at the point where I’m ready to release the things that I have been mourning since the beginning of the month. It’s a slow process, grief shouldn’t be rushed, but it’s also a necessary one in order to move on rather than being stuck feeling lost, regretful and like you’re never going to get back on track.

That lost feeling will pass and when it does a whole new cycle in life opens up where new opportunities, blessings, challenges and happiness await us.

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I’ve been very busy lately with the kidlets and my business, much of the latter being getting some new card designs out there and just trying to drum up interest in my arts and crafts. Over Samhain my cards sold well which I’m really grateful for and I’ve been working on some designs for Yule and Christmas which are now available to buy through my eBay account. I will also happily make more of these for custom orders, here’s a peek of some of the ones I have listed:

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A new painting is in progress, a seasonal holly piece that I’ll post more about once I’m finished. I’m also thinking about setting myself a daily sketch challenge to keep myself sketching from sight and drawing in general which is something I have been seriously slacking with lately.

Aside from that I have also been doing NaNoWriMo again this year which has kept me really busy this month. I’m nearly there though, around another 10K to go and I’ll be finished!

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The strawberry plants I planted out last year have been thriving this spring/summer. We picked our first four yesterday, sweet, plump and juicy…or so I would imagine. The kidlets scoffed them within seconds!

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