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Archive for the ‘Thought Provoking’ Category

Love is beautiful, light and safe.

Love is without judgement.

Love never runs out.

Love does not hurt.

Love is acceptance.

Love is forgiveness.

Love brings peace and happiness.

Love cannot break you or your heart.

Love is recognising another soul and cherishing them.

Love is available to all and multiplies when we practice it towards others.

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It’s been a while since I posted anything on here but for good reason. So much has been happening what with the holidays, our trip to Disneyland Paris, the start of the school year, secondary school visits and our impending move now that we have finally found a place to live. It’s been insane and my mental state has been up and down like a yoyo. This week though, now that things are finally starting to line up, I’ve had time to think.

I’ve known for around six months that this is and would be a huge transitional time for me and that it would be one that lasted a while before anything seemed to improve. Absolutely everything in my life has been having a complete overhaul. It’s been hard to hold onto my faith that things would get better and that when the changes really happened it would ultimately lead to joy and growth for me, believe me some days it’s felt like an impossible thing. I didn’t even realise that I had been fighting the changes as much as I had.

Last week was highly emotional, I cried… a lot… at pretty much everything. I couldn’t stop and it was incredibly frustrating to me but today I realised that it was¬†something I needed to do. As the pieces of the puzzle began to slip effortlessly into place and I could see that what I’ve been waiting for over these last few month was finally going to happen and I started to naturally let go of what I’ve been holding onto, all the good and bad that this house represents for me, all the drama and tears I’ve cried in it, all the happy memories as well. I spent a week simultaneously celebrating and mourning the last nine and a half years of my life here and boy has a lot happened in that time.

I’ve really never been a conventional person and I don’t believe that I’m made for a conventional life even though I feel that’s what’s expected of me at 32 years old with two children. I finally saw that the dream I was trying to force myself into was bringing me so much stress and anxiety and all these feelings of failure because it’s not the way my life is supposed to go. This other, scary, unconventional, right feeling way is the way I’m supposed to take to find my happiness and growth.

And so I cried because sometimes tears are necessary in order to release the memories and experiences we need to let go of in order to grow into the people we are meant to be.

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I’m prefacing this post with a warning to say that this is my opinion and I’m not trying to pick on anyone or passive aggressively bitch here. I wanted to post my thoughts on this topic just to encourage others to think about what they direct towards others through thought and deed.

043There’s on thing I find really annoying. I see it all the time online, particularly among spiritual and pagan circles. It’s those times when people use karma as a means to wish ill towards others by saying things like ‘Karma will get them’ or ‘they’ll get what’s coming to them’.

Now don’t get me wrong, I do believe in karma but not as some kind of tally or account that the universe or god or whoever holds against us and is waiting for the right opportunity to collect on.

What if karma is more personal than that? What if it’s more akin to a choice our higher selves make in order to facilitate our own growth?

I don’t subscribe to a victim mentality, I haven’t for a long time. I don’t believe things just happen to us but that we create what we need in our lives for our own growth.

Karma isn’t a weapon to be wielded and thrown into other people’s faces. It’s not a judgement for us to pass on others. It is, however, a powerful tool for self discovery, growth, healing and learning. Concern yourselves with the karma you are creating in your own life rather than that of other people.

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I do this a lot.

It’s an insecurity thing, I worry about the validity of my opinion, whether I’m making a difference, whether the art I make is good enough, whether the writing I do pleases the people it is for.

Every Sunday I draw a card for the week to inspire and help me from my Chakra Healing Oracle deck (review to come soon) and every week I’m pretty astounded by how relevant the card I pick is for me in that moment.

Yesterday I finished a painting I began in February. It was one of my six current work in progresses that I am trying to push myself to finally finish as I’m good at wracking up art that I’ve started but not concluded. I felt so happy with myself for finishing it until that nasty, insecure voice popped up to tell me that what I had made was rubbish, that it didn’t matter, that there was all this stuff wrong with it, that my portrait paintings are too colourful, too illustrative, too weird to be good. The insecurity came flooding in, I didn’t want to share the work, all I could see were the bits that the nasty voice told me were bad about it.

A few hours later I was meditating and I asked for my week’s guidance, I drew the Insecurity card. It speaks of a character who is an inventor; king of starting and never finishing projects. Then one day in his story he is overjoyed to finish an invention only for the ‘demon’ within to throw so much negativity on his accomplishment that he is too frightened to share it with the world. The card is about facing your fear, sticking your fingers up to that inner demon and valuing your creation because by facing our fear we invite awesomeness into our lives instead.

With this in mind I’m going to share Brid with you, the Imbolc goddess who I finished yesterday:

Brid Resized Small

Brid ~ watercolour, gouache and ink on watercolour paper

One sentence really struck me in this reading and that was don’t underestimate your contribution. It fits me for so many areas in my life where I worry I’m invisible and that my efforts make no difference in the scheme of things. When my efforts are recognised I worry that they are wrong and that people are talking about me behind my back and laughing at me. It’s overly paranoid, I know, and while I’m getting better at not thinking that way there are days where the thought niggles at me thanks to that insecure voice that enjoys making me feel bad.

This week I will be trusting that they are not.

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be authentic

There’s a phrase that I prefer to ‘be true to yourself’¬†and that is to ‘be authentic to yourself’. I’m not sure why but the word authentic holds so much more power for me. It makes me stop and really look at what I’m doing. It feels right to ask myself ‘am I being authentic?’. So what is it to be authentic to yourself?

I believe that being authentic is being you, warts and all. It’s about acceptance of the good, the bad and all that’s in between, it’s about listening to that feeling in your gut that tells you the new person you just met isn’t someone you should spend time with, or the soaring in your heart that encourages you to keep doing something regardless of what others may think and acting on those feelings. It is trusting and valuing your opinion and thoughts, accepting them, owning them and acting accordingly.

I’ve been trying to remind myself of this, particularly that last sentence whenever I doubt my intuition or my opinion and as a result I’ve found not only my personal power has grown but the value others place on my opinions has likewise improved, at least in my view.

So my message for today is to be authentic to what you need, want, think, feel and dream. Each of these thing is valuable and important and should be treated as such.

Your opinion matters. You matter.

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Can’t, won’t, shouldn’t, couldn’t.

Can, will, should, could.

Which way would you rather live?

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My boyfriend told me that whenever he sees flowers he’s reminded of me. I asked him why and he told me he could just imagine me with my camera taking close ups of all the colour, abstract markings and beautiful forms I see in them. It’s true, I love the nature, flowers in particular and it has reminded me to work with them more, in both my photography and art.

It’s a matter of going back to the basics of where I started out, creating around the beauty I see and sharing it with others. I think it’s easy for me to lose sight of that when I am trying to create to sell, when really art that comes from the heart speaks to others more powerfully than what we sometimes think we should be creating.

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