I love hagstones.
I always feel very blessed when I discover them and that usually happens when I’m stressed or worried about something and I go for a meditative walk on the pebble beach where I live. They’ve always been very powerful symbols of my faith, ever since I found my first one and my guides told me how the hole straight through opens a window to the unseen and, in much the same way, the solutions to our problems.
I like to roll up the pieces of paper for my worry jar and slot them through a hagstone before putting them in, charging the stone with my need for a solution to a particular problem. Once the issue is resolved I take the bundle from the jar, burn the paper and cleanse the stone though I never use the stone for another worry. It goes with my collection and occasionally gets turned into a necklace for myself, another or to sell.
For me, hagstones are very special gifts from spirit, given at a time when they are most needed as a reminder to have faith that the hurdles we face will be conquered and that there is always a solution even if it is invisible to us at first. We just have to have confidence that it will work out in the end and be open to the possibilities that come our way to make it so.
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I do this a lot.
It’s an insecurity thing, I worry about the validity of my opinion, whether I’m making a difference, whether the art I make is good enough, whether the writing I do pleases the people it is for.
Every Sunday I draw a card for the week to inspire and help me from my Chakra Healing Oracle deck (review to come soon) and every week I’m pretty astounded by how relevant the card I pick is for me in that moment.
Yesterday I finished a painting I began in February. It was one of my six current work in progresses that I am trying to push myself to finally finish as I’m good at wracking up art that I’ve started but not concluded. I felt so happy with myself for finishing it until that nasty, insecure voice popped up to tell me that what I had made was rubbish, that it didn’t matter, that there was all this stuff wrong with it, that my portrait paintings are too colourful, too illustrative, too weird to be good. The insecurity came flooding in, I didn’t want to share the work, all I could see were the bits that the nasty voice told me were bad about it.
A few hours later I was meditating and I asked for my week’s guidance, I drew the Insecurity card. It speaks of a character who is an inventor; king of starting and never finishing projects. Then one day in his story he is overjoyed to finish an invention only for the ‘demon’ within to throw so much negativity on his accomplishment that he is too frightened to share it with the world. The card is about facing your fear, sticking your fingers up to that inner demon and valuing your creation because by facing our fear we invite awesomeness into our lives instead.
With this in mind I’m going to share Brid with you, the Imbolc goddess who I finished yesterday:
Brid ~ watercolour, gouache and ink on watercolour paper
One sentence really struck me in this reading and that was don’t underestimate your contribution. It fits me for so many areas in my life where I worry I’m invisible and that my efforts make no difference in the scheme of things. When my efforts are recognised I worry that they are wrong and that people are talking about me behind my back and laughing at me. It’s overly paranoid, I know, and while I’m getting better at not thinking that way there are days where the thought niggles at me thanks to that insecure voice that enjoys making me feel bad.
This week I will be trusting that they are not.
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There’s a phrase that I prefer to ‘be true to yourself’ and that is to ‘be authentic to yourself’. I’m not sure why but the word authentic holds so much more power for me. It makes me stop and really look at what I’m doing. It feels right to ask myself ‘am I being authentic?’. So what is it to be authentic to yourself?
I believe that being authentic is being you, warts and all. It’s about acceptance of the good, the bad and all that’s in between, it’s about listening to that feeling in your gut that tells you the new person you just met isn’t someone you should spend time with, or the soaring in your heart that encourages you to keep doing something regardless of what others may think and acting on those feelings. It is trusting and valuing your opinion and thoughts, accepting them, owning them and acting accordingly.
I’ve been trying to remind myself of this, particularly that last sentence whenever I doubt my intuition or my opinion and as a result I’ve found not only my personal power has grown but the value others place on my opinions has likewise improved, at least in my view.
So my message for today is to be authentic to what you need, want, think, feel and dream. Each of these thing is valuable and important and should be treated as such.
Your opinion matters. You matter.
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Can’t, won’t, shouldn’t, couldn’t.
Can, will, should, could.
Which way would you rather live?
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