I like to think I’m a patient person and I don’t like to think negatively about others, whether I get on with them or not. I tend to turn my negativity inwards and onto myself which is neither healthy or a good idea. Since making the effort to love myself more and not to do this I have noticed something which worries me a little; there are a lot of ‘stupid people’ around me who I find myself being annoyed, frustrated and even angered by.
Now that I’m not directing all of these feelings inwards I’m finding myself seeing the people around me for the effects they have on my mood, both good and bad. I’ve been getting angry with people, not showing it or being nasty with it but I am recognising it when I interact with people. There are people that bring out these negative feelings with me and while I don’t share them or act negatively back towards them I can feel the effect they have on me.
Last week the feelings were bubbling up. I had a particularly long day of interacting with ‘stupid people’. I’m not talking stupid in an IQ sense. I’m talking about people who either don’t see the negativity they throw around or do it on purpose. To me, that is the essence of stupidity. I’d been stewing in these feelings for a while and finding them difficult to release when I remembered my art journal and poured all of that negativity into a page. It helped.
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There’s a reason why a lot of people choose a word for a year rather than a resolution, we all know how powerful language can be. The things people say to us or that we say to ourselves can lift us up or tear us down. The chakra cards I work with each have a single word related to them and it’s that word that really inspires me to think and meditate. Back in 2013 I chose a word for each month, a reminder to act upon and think about.
Our The Works store in town recently got these wooden plaques in, a pack of 5 for £1 and I couldn’t resist. I knew as soon as I saw them that I wanted to put on them simple, plain but powerful words for me and to hang them from the string of heart lights I have over my desk/studio space. So which words did I feel were most powerful for me at this time?
Love to remind me to love myself and accept love into my life with a grateful heart.
Dream to remind me not to give up on my dreams no matter how many times I have to rethink, change or replan what I’m doing.
Inspire to remind me not only to look for my own inspiration but also to inspire others if I can.
Create to remind me to ‘turn up at the page’ and create in any way I need to.
Believe to remind me not to give up on all the things I believe in, myself included.
I chose a colour for each one and a embroidery floss to match using a sequence of nine knots for each charm to hang it from.
I love how they turned out, very simple but just right for above my desk. The move and turn themselves around on different days. I like to take that as a sign that I need to focus more on that aspect when they do that.
What five words would you choose as your power words and why?
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The final wishes page in my art journal is the spiritual wishes. I would have posted it at the end of last week but I had an almighty headache on Friday which I think was a combination of over doing it in the week and the energy of the eclipse since my headache was solely focused on my third eye at least at first.
I spent a lot of time and energy cleansing the house last week, putting out offerings for the house spirits and refreshing the energy room by room and over the whole property. With it I felt a renewed connection to this place and in particular my altar space in my bedroom where I meditate and work with my chakra cards.
I had been finding it hard to meditate recently, I’m not sure why but getting beyond my thoughts to a place of peace had become more and more difficult until last night. It was the first time I had attempted it since the cleansing and it just clicked into place for me. I think a big part of that was my altar (and therefore my sacred space), having gotten it to a place where the energy there felt fresh and balanced for me.
1… to understand my path and where I’m headed.
2… to practice my faith more
3… to trust my intuition all of the time and without hesitation
4… to meditate regularly
5… to heal myself and my home regularly… it’s important!
6… to have more people around me that I connect with spiritually
7… to fully accept my psychic gifts and all they bring
8… to follow my heart
9… to not allow others to make me doubt my faith
10… to understand the lessons of my past lives.
Finding spiritual balance is important to me. I believe, and have found this myself, that our spiritual and creative lives are closely entwined. When one is lacking so is the other but together they thrive.
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I’ve never really thought of myself as a career woman. I think it may be because of the way I interpret the word career, it has these unfortunate connotations of work obsessed, putting work before all else and something you have to pursue at the detriment of other things such as a family life. I’m not sure why the word has that feel for me but it has been something that has been hard to shake.
Then a couple of years ago I decided that what I really wanted to do was have my own business creating art and working with healing. In following my passions I suddenly had a career as a self employed intuitive artist and healer and had to try to juggle it around being a single mum while still holding the values and wishes for my family life that are important to me; first and foremost that I am able to work around my children and their needs growing up rather than fit them around my work.
1… to make ‘enough’
2… for my business to be a success
3… to publish my novel
4… to help people through healing
5… to reach my dreams
6… to feel confident in my ability to run my business
7… to procrastinate less
8… to be more productive and reap the rewards of that productivity
9… to reach my goals for the month
10… to reach my goals for the year.
Having a career doesn’t have to be something you choose over the other things you want in your life. It’s not something you have to give up in order to have those other things. Sometimes in order to have everything we have to tweak some things or change direction slightly but I do believe that there is always a way forward that helps us achieve all that we want in life, even if the progress is slow and the road rough.
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Looking over my journal pages so far I’ve noticed I’m referring to my wishes in the past tense, as though the possibility of realising them is not there; the chance of them happening long gone. It’s a terribly negative way to make wishes so I’m making a real effort from here on to refer to them in present/future tense. It’s a small change but a positive one, I feel, just as when making affirmations you need to be mindful of how you phrase them. Apparently talking about my wishes is a very similar thing.
I have been working a lot with trying to balance my creativity and get to a point where I have confidence in my creations. It’s been a long hard progress helped along by a few people who have been wonderfully supportive and nurturing towards my creative ambitions. I can’t thank those people enough for their kind words and encouragement even when I haven’t believed in myself.
1… to create more freely and without fear.
2… to help others with my art.
3… to create every day
4… to have more confidence in my art
5… to sell more of my creations
6… to create what I want rather than what I feel I have to
7… to grow and improve
8… to accept even the bad creations
9… to spend more time nourishing my creativity
10… to love my art guilt free.
They certainly feel more positive written this way to me. Creativity is such a huge part of my life, it always has been and it has taken me years to get past all of the blocks I have had that left me feeling like I wasn’t good enough and that my creativity wasn’t valid. I still have a long way to go but one thing I do know now, that applies not just to my art but to everyone’s art, is that it is valid.
Creativity is an expression of how a person sees and experiences the world. When it comes from the soul it’s playful, experimental and brings happiness to our inner selves.
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Relationships have been a sore point for me for a while now. The more entrenched with my depression I have gotten over the years the harder it has felt to be able to forge, sustain and enjoy them. I also have times where I have fairly crippling social anxiety, often, I have realised, due to self confidence issues.
I’ve been spending a lot of time lately trying to rediscover and boost my confidence levels through self acceptance and love. It has been difficult, progress is slow but it is happening and the further I get the more easily I can distinguish what is toxic for me. I was amazed to see just how many of my friendships and acquaintances were not healthy for me and equally amazed at how often I was needlessly cruel and negative towards myself.
My relationship wishes:
1… there was more love in my life
2… I could find a relationship to thrive in
3… I had more real friends
4… i was more social
5… I didn’t get so anxious around people
6… I did more with people
7… I didn’t allow my depression to ruin my relationships
8… I accepted love from others more easily
9… I had a better relationship with myself
10… I had supportive relationships
Of all of these wishes there is one that I know needs to come first and that is to love myself and have a better relationship with myself. I can very well expect love from others if I can’t show it to myself.
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One thing that has become pretty clear about these wish exercises is that actually, a lot of what I wish for I can achieve fairly easily if I put aside the time and money for them. I don’t have many ‘out there’ wishes so why do I find it so hard to allow myself to achieve them?
My leisure wishes:
1… I went walking more
2… I spent more time doing nice things to relax
3… I could have regular massages
4… I allowed myself to do the things I enjoy
5… I read more books regularly
6… I had a gaming group
7… I let myself play more games that I enjoy
8… I took more holidays
9… I had more fun
10… I traveled more
When I really look at my wishes I see they are things I can do for myself. I’ve been telling myself I can’t for so long when I need to be saying I can.
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