Until today I really had no idea what my word for June would be. This morning I was sat drinking my coffee and thinking about what’s been holding me back these last few weeks and it has been a general dislike for and lack of confidence in what I had been creating. The word ugly fitted my thoughts well and so this month is a reminder to me to at the very least tolerate everything I create, even the ugly work, the images that make me cringe, the writing that’s not just below par but well off the mark and the pieces that just won’t co-operate with my vision. The point is that it can all be learned from, the ugly stuff, even if it’s only ugly to you, is part of your learning curve.
I regret all the work I threw away in my student years, all the sketchbooks I lost or destroyed through my depression. I don’t regret creating them but I do regret that I don’t have them anymore, that I can’t look back over them feeling the burn of embarrassment in my cheeks because they are awful to me and yet see the value in them and my progress from them. Even the ugly creative output of mine has value, sometimes even more so than the work I am pleased with.