For a long time I thought that my art had to be popular to be good, that people had to like it, praise it, want it, love it even for it to be of value. While deep down I have known that’s not the case for a while it took my latest trip to Devon to really bring about the big internal change I needed with this mode of thinking.
I’m not saying I don’t want people to like my work, of course I do, but my fear of criticism and disproval was crippling me. While I was away I met someone who forced my healing and creative sides to mesh together in the way I needed them to. My partner later told me that he thinks I needed to meet someone who needed whatever it was I had to offer to the world in order for it to manifest completely. I think he was right.
The experience left me feeling at peace with my future, I knew the direction I was heading in and I knew that my way of healing worked as long as I followed my heart and poured healing intent into what I was creating, it was enlightening and suddenly took away the fear I had that my work wouldn’t be liked, popular or something that people wouldn’t want to buy.
I realised that it didn’t matter, I don’t need my work to be popular because when I create intuitive work it’s always meant for someone. Sometimes I find that person instantly, sometimes it can take years but each piece is meant for one person to facilitate their journey, whether they realise the spiritual influence or not the piece speaks to them, the energy within radiating and healing through colour, texture and movement in the canvas.
My work doesn’t have to be popular, it has purpose, it only has to find and speak to the person it was meant for until it does what it needs to do for that person. Art heals and if I doubted that before my trip I certainly don’t now.
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I wondered for a while what my word for April would be, I felt like it was right in front of me, staring me in the face but I hadn’t recognised it yet. Then a few weeks ago I got a letter that at first frightened me and then filled me with hope. After finishing my healing course I had decided what I wanted to do and felt that the dream I had harboured for years of combining spiritual healing and art was finally coming closer. This letter proved to be a kick up the proverbial backside to really get to grips with this idea, my DREAM.
Things flowed from there once I recognised this, my dream to create and run my own business became more substantial in my mind and, once the fear had subsided, a positive goal for the future that for the first time I really felt that I was able to achieve. I had an appointment to wait for which would help me to discover the viability of my dream financially and in the meantime my dream board, which had been sitting there empty and staring me in the face every day was calling. I finally finished it.
It’s full to bursting with the things I want to do and work towards, a plan of my ideal studio/healing/shop space, a paint brush and part of a palette, stars, a book with the titles of the books I want to write, and inspirational phrases. One that made it’s way into my journal which I wrote about before…
…and this one which was shown to me by my friend Pixie Allen who has a great motivational blog here. It was well received at a time when I really needed it and has pride of place in the centre of my dream board as something I really need to see, remember and accept regularly.
After my appointment I felt far more relaxed about the whole affair. I realised my dream was possible and I had taken the time to really think it through and see the possibilities that were branching off from it. The night after my appointment I drew one of my angel cards before bed, I picked Sahaquiel whose message was “I’ll lift you to reach for the stars: live your dreams!”
I think it’s safe to say that I am supported and guided in this venture, the timing, advice and messages that have been flowing through different avenues to me and bolstering my confidence and the dream itself have been amazing and irrefutable. I believe that the universe wants us all to reach for our dreams and live them so that we are fulfilled and happy in everything we do. Try it, you might like it.
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I finally decided to make a journal for my trip to Devon rather than buy a new Moleskine. I like the Moleskine but spending out on another when I could just make one and recycle materials just felt like a waste of both money and resources. In the end I opted for a fairly small journal; 11 x 14cm and about an inch thick.
There’s a button clasp (my favourite option) and a spring yellow thread that wraps around and holds the whole thing together.
It also gave me an opportunity to use up some circles of different handmade papers I had lying around and getting somewhat in the way. I made them several years ago but still hadn’t used them so they got ripped up and glued to some of the sketchbook shapes to give a few spreads of textured paper.
Some of the sheets had herbs in them giving interesting marks to the paper as well as texture which I’m really looking forward to working with. In the end there were enough to mark each of the eight signatures. The rest of the paper is 140gsm sketchbook paper so I can use it for whatever strikes my fancy while I’m away.
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While I haven’t been rolling through my main journal I have been making progress with it, most of which has been emotional and therapeutic in some way as I do tend to use my art journals for as much of a tool for emotional release as for experimenting and doing more work based things. It tends to be a mix up of all things rather than having separate journals for different things. First up I have three pages that are really all on the same topic; cutting painful connections with people and learning to embrace the good memories they gave me in my past and release the bad ones.
This first page became my intentions and an overview of what was running through my mind. I really like to write it all out and journal in the traditional sense but dislike reading over past musings so I find that painting and working over them is good for me. It puts a visual spin on my thoughts but hides them from prying eyes. I tend to use a quotation or words of wisdom relating to the journalling in the final composition if it feels appropriate.
This was the hardest page for me to do and took several days of writing, layers and coming back to it. I find it all to easy to forget the good things that people and relationships brought into my life when they are over and I tend to hang onto and dwell on the bad things (which seem to be so much easier to remember). I’m somewhat emotionally masochistic you could say and it’s not healthy for me. I made myself remember the happy times with my journalling here and it was hard and very emotional, the words and page are a reminder to cherish those memories and be grateful for them.
Like the embrace page release is very textured and bright but plagued with glitter and silver as well as black blobs of ink that represent the negative memories being washed away in the moving waters. It was scarily easy to remember all the pain but not as easy to let it go…a good step though and this page brings me a certain amount of peace in it’s reminder to let it go.
This full page was a response to a big old push I was given a couple of weeks ago when I realised I had my own leap of faith to take but was petrified to take it. I’ve been hiding for a long time in my fear but one particular day this was weighing on my mind. By the end of the day I had created this with the words of my guide which really struck a chord with me.
And finally there’s a sneak peek at a spring-y page I began. It started as a random print of leftover paint that I thought looked a bit like a bird and is growing from there with an old bit of kitchen roll glued in for a nest. I had been using it to coffee stain some paper and didn’t want to just throw it away. I’m not sure where this page is going yet, it’s not finished but I couldn’t resist sharing it so far.
So that’s it for my main journal. I’m sorry for the very long post but I really needed to get this all out in one post instead of separating it down. More about my leap of faith to come with my ‘word for April’ post which is in the works, I just have a few more things to get organised first before I sit down and really write about that one.
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