The next writing prompt for Journal Fodder 365 has been ‘roads taken and not taken’ which has had some interesting results.
I’ve known for a good while that having my first child was a pivotal point in my life. I had, however, believed that it was a decision, a push if you will, down one path that I had no control over and made no real choice concerning. While having my child was not something I decided on one way or another a few months afterwards I did have a choice in the direction I wanted my life to go in.
Having my daughter changed my perspective on the world and showed me a path so different to the one I had been traversing and insistent on completing that everything in my life changed. I thought that this was something I was forced into, I saw it as a failure in many respects because I didn’t finish my degree and therefore the academic part of my life. In reality it showed me just how unhappy I was at University and striving for something I thought I needed for success when that couldn’t be further from the truth.
A few months later I had a decision to make, it was the decision I thought had been ripped from me when I discovered my pregnancy only this time around I had a second perspective to take into account. Without that other perspective I would probably never have made the decision I did and life for me would, no doubt, be very different. I turned down the option of going back to University to finish my last year, instead I invested my time into my family, my creativity and my spirituality leading me to become an energy healer as well as an artist. Thinking back over it and just instinctively writing brought that decision to my attention and I realised that I actually hadn’t been out of control at all. I had to take a lot on faith for sure, we often do, but I made an informed decision to get out of my academic way of looking at things and accept my spiritual way of looking at things.
This is what I cover on the right page of this spread, a strange mix between the set out, concrete path I viewed my academic progression and the fluid, less structured, tangled path I decided to take. For a long time I felt like I had failed myself since getting a degree was something I had wanted since I was a child. Being a stubborn and ambitious Capricorn it was a direction against a big part of my nature and yet I cannot imagine going down that other path and would make the same decision again.
The left side of the spread came down to me thinking about physically where I live. I moved to the coast about 9 years ago with my ex and have been here since. Over recent years I have felt that I regret that decision to move so far from my family and friends, particularly when I have felt depressed and alone. Yet the prompt made me remember how unhappy I had been in Maidstone back then and how much the move had pleased me. We have a tendency to remember the bad and negative implications of our decisions rather than the good, or at least I do because I’m always looking for a way to prove to myself I failed in some way. This isn’t true though, I haven’t failed and I truly believe that I am where I’m meant to be in my journey, learning the things I am supposed to learn and being guided towards the things that I need for the future.
The crossroads we come across offer us different paths in life, neither path is wrong or right, neither is easier or harder than the other they are all just different and equally as important in shaping our lives.
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